Doing Your Part/Making a Difference:  by Jim Ellis

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My name is Slupboe

I live in Rimbo Limpy Town

My wife is Joe Copa Frett

My dog is bill bill

I eat a big sandwich

Interviewer: Slumbo Blockmeister; Political Innovator, philanthropist, heir to the thrown of Rimbo Limpy,Artist, Architect, Poet, Prophet, and father of 62. We had the privilege of speaking candidly with this visionary on his work, the state of the world, and problems we face today as a global nation.

When asked about international affairs, in particular, the war in Iraq, Slumbo had this to say

Slumbo: There's a lot of commercials on CNN, and that shit they put on the bottom of the screen is a big distraction. I'd rather they used that new science... picture in a picture I think they call it. That way I can watch somethin I can just, you know... hang with. Know what I'm sayin. Like the Honeymooners, now there was a show. It'd give some balance. Bombed out buildings on one side of the screen, Jackie Gleason threatening violence on his wife on the other... he never hit her though, far as I know. How come there aint a 24 hour Honeymooner channel anyways?

Interviewer: This is a typically worldly stance that we've come to expect from him. Another stern conviction for dissemination of bi-partisan information throughout the media. We carefully approached another hot button topic for this avatar... that being, animal rights.

Slumbo: I had a dog, Bill. Mans best friend my ass, swear that little shit ate better than me most of the time, cept when he was licking his ass. No I kid, I loved that dog. He's over there in the corner, the taxidermist charged me a buttload, but this way he's eternal, know what I mean. I got a new dog, but I didn't want to have to remember a new name, so I named him "Bill Bill". You think that'd be easier, but I still fuck up sometimes and call him just "bill". That dog licked it's ass all the time, that's why I mounted him lickin his flavor spot. I caught Bill Bill trying to hump him the other night, I knocked the shit of him for that... I mean, is nothing sacred! I protect the dead, dog or human. All gods creatures.

Interviewer: In 1983 Slumbo shocked and amazed the worlds with his innovative exploits

Slumbo: I used to go up to this rock on the hill over there and eat a pickle sandwich everyday. I used to think to myself "how many others before me have come to this very spot and ate a pickle sandwich". Felt like I was part of a tradition of pickle eaters. Then one day I just stopped going. I don't know why. Maybe it's cause the market stopped stocking the pickles I like, either that or it was the lord working through me. Then one day I had an ahpissony, and I bought Bratwurst and bread. I climbed up to that rock, thinking about those Krawts, their meat, and Hitler. I said to myself "enough's enough", and I lifted that rock, turned it over... sat down and ate that Bratwurst sandwich. I know for a fact, that no other living person, not another solitary soul that ever lived on this planet... has ever eaten, a bratwurst sandwich on that rock... once it was turned upside down. I knew then that I made a difference... and that things were goanna be ok from here on out.

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My names Rombo Jombo

I eat broken icecube trays

I live in a tin-foiled turd

Lookey here now

see this piece of fingernail

I bit it off in early September

I labeled it with a sharpie

so I would know the vintage

You see it's all economics

I make 5.00 an hour

minimum wage

In china, those poor fucks make what... 20 cents an hour

So let's say I work a 40 hour week

and say they work a forty hour week

they make 8 dollars a week

I make 200 bucks

I'm worth roughly 25 times as much as a those china people

Now over here, this fingernail is worth nothing

hell we throw them away

but over there

this very same fingernail

coming from me

a person worth 25 times as much

wellll... this fingernail is suddenly 25 times more valuable

coming off a me, an American

Although I don't have any real money to send to them poor fucks

I plan on sending them this here bandage box full of them

all dated

with a certificate of authenticity

real American finger nails

A big enough collection of them has got to be worth something

It's my charity

maybe they could buy another loaf of bread or rice...

maybe take a day or two off.

I may live in a tin-foiled turd

but I always try to do my part