The Dream of Dick Buttkiz:  by Jim Ellis

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My name is Dick Buttkiz,
take the DB (decibels) down a bit
and you have Ick Uttkiz
I'm not dead yet, but the ghost football team keeps turning up my thermostat
and replacing my toothpaste (Coopers Tooth Polish the polish of the stars)
with BenGay.
I had a dream about Johnny Uniteus, we were fighting in the Vietnam war.
Every time we'd kill a gooke an ice cream truck would pass by.
Then I saw this bird with human hands instead of it's normal bird feet.
It lifted me into the air, I looked down, and realized that the entire war
was actually one of those 1970's vibrating surface toy football games.
Each little plastic human figurines vibrating along randomly, allies and
enemy's even locked arm and arm like they were square dancing.
Then I saw the hand of god.
God did the "rock paper scissors with me", and I chose scissors... but he
chose fire.
God said "fire destroys scissors"
I said "Fire was not expressed as part of the games rule options"
A large pit opened up beneath me, the bird dropped me, and I fell to hell.
It was a lot like earth, except nobody cheered or even booed when you scored
a touchdown.