The Crap People Buy: by Jim Ellis

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I used to be just like you
Straying from job to job
Feeling that life was ... well pointless
Everyday I'd punch the clock
do the grind
and hope I had enough money to go out on Saturday night
live it up and maybe get some sexual companionship

The problem was, is I mean look at me
I'm a leader not a follower
I'm a thinker
A unique individual
Not an organic machine part that's just waiting to become obsolete
I have thoughts and dreams
I'm real flesh and blood
with a range of emotions
I'm just like you
And your just like me
You just don't know it yet
You know what made me the wealthy, successful, independent man I am today...
it's real simple
what made me what I am today is "Stupidity"

What did he say... did I hear him right.
You bet your butt you did.

Now your probably looking around this factory and thinking to yourself
"how can a man who based his career on "stupidity", run such a successful
industry"
Well, the answer is, I'm not stupid.
I'm clever, and I'm determined... but not any more so than any of you.
But when I started this candy factory, I was far from educated.
However, I now can fluently speak over 6 languages, am an amateur botanist,
hell I can even tell you how much you would weigh on any the planets or moons in this solar system.
What allowed me the luxury to self improve?
It was embracing that which we so actively attempt to avoid...
"stupidity".

I had an epiphany one day... a vision.
I thought about "what makes us laugh"... and who doesn't like to laugh... right?
Often the answer to this is quite simply "the taboo".
The things in our society that we have earnestly trained ourselves to avoid for some rigid inflexible goal of self improvement.
The flawed notion that even the most smallest amount of stupidity, will somehow obliterate
years work towards sensible self improvement.
Denial I say.
Lies I say.

There are many of us that spend all our time banging up against a window that is closed off to us.
We spend every free moment we have... which for most is very little due to jobs and what not
but we spend every moment we can get on some form or brilliant idea, that we hope to project out into the world,
and make a buck.

Let me tell you though, if you do have a brilliant idea, you've got a hard row to hoe.
You see you have to then make others "understand" that brilliant idea... and who has the time?
It took you years of your free time to come up with it.
Who has years of time to try to understand it?
And who's going to teach every living soul on this earth how to understand it... you?
I don't think so.
It's possible, but only if you have the time.
I know most of us just worry about putting food on the table, and then we just want to
decompress after that hard day at work.
Not study up on someone else's brilliant idea, heck they got their own to come up with.
It's also that hard day at work that is going to keep people from understanding it.
You see, most people's job is anything but mentally stimulating.
It might be stressful, but for the most part it's just redundant activities that are just engaging
enough to actually prevent the employee the luxury of thinking about something else that really matters.
So what happens is, they forget how to think.
Thought is replaced with routine.
What do people want after work, they want a reward, a treat, not homework.
Look at alcohol, the ol brain cell killer... a favorite post work leisure activity.
How does this stimulate intelligence... it doesn't, it's a treat, a release.
Mostly, people want to have fun, and they want a laugh... and a treat.
That's why I make candy, stupid candy.

I saw kids buying up tons of "gummy worms", "gummy rats", "gummy eyeballs", you name it.
The grosser and more taboo the name and shape, the more fun it was.
Parents hated that candy, but that is because they "trained" and "refined" themselves to such a point
that the only kind of sweets they can appreciate is some sophisticated overpriced chocolate.
For one one inch piece of that chocolate, you could two bags of "gummy guts"... and have more fun.

So it didn't take a genius to see that the real money is in stupidity... and it's more dollar honest.
They have to charge a buck fifty for that piece of chocolate because adults aren't regular candy consumers...
candy is bad...candy will rot those teeth... candy is taboo.
Laughter is taboo.
They were born for each other.
Brilliant ideas are everywhere, and everyone is working on making them happen.
Stupid ideas are even more prevalent, however usually the only people who work on those ideas
are people who too stupid to realize it's a stupid idea... they think it's a brilliant one.
So, who works on stupid ideas, knowing full well that they are stupid, but gives them the
same attention they would a truly brilliant idea?
I'll tell you... next to nobody.

So then this idea hit me, just when I received a once in a life time inheritance.
Now I could have wasted that on trying to be smart and respectable.
I almost invested in stocks.
I almost built a prototype for collapsible computer/TV monitor...
a brilliant idea that would leave me fighting to get people to understand why they needed it.
Instead I started this company: "Turdsville".

My first product, that now famous candy bar named simply: "Turd".
Some high brow stores wouldn't sell them at first, but when the kids caught on...
those shop keeps saw the dollars, and began to stock "Turd's".
People said it was all a fad, and that I was pushing my luck when I later released "Turd with Nuts"...
but here we are today.
We have "piss pop", "diarrhea fudge cakes", "dog shaft push ups", " rot your teeth sours", "kill your parents gum",
"chewy colon" and many other products in development.
In fact the folks who put out "Cancer Cigarettes" took a page out of my book.

I am respected... no.
Do people think I'm intelligent... most do, until they find out that I own "Turdsville",
and then they either get it, or they don't.

I have soul ownership of the company.
The quarterly earnings have been continuously on the rise since I started 3 years ago.
I just bought my 5th house.
I'm completing an advanced art class in Renaissance painting technique.
People think because I sell a candy product called "fart in a bag", that I don't have a heart
for events in the larger community.
Let me tell you, my company gave way $500,000 in college scholarships, and $1,000,000 in humanitarian aid to
struggling third world countries, just this year.
So I have earned the right educate myself.
I have earned the wage to allow me to give to others in need.
So let those nay sayers and critics be couch intellectuals who never
have a chance to do anything because their too desperate for respect.
Selfish I say.
And I've done it all.
All through stupidity, something everyone can easily understand.
All through the power of "Turds".

Not such a shitty idea, "stupidity".
Maybe someday you can have your own turd factory...
or something similar.